a prepared statement

Posted:

This journal entry brought to you by U.S. Secretary of Defense Don “You can’t know the unknowable” Rumsfeld.

Rumsfeld: Good day, members of the assembled press corp and blog readers. I’ve just got a few words to say regarding the individual known as ‘jjohn.’

Now there’s been a lot of loose talk about jjohn. What he has or hasn’t been up to. Where he is or isn’t — these sorts of questions. Would I like to know the answers to these questions? Maybe. Do I? No. Should I? Probably. But you can’t know the unknowable. There are things that we know we know and things that we know we don’t know.
These questions are some of the ones we know we don’t know.

Remember, this is a dangerous world. It’s not an easy time for anyone but when we do the best we can and we pull all this information together, and we then say well that’s basically what we see as the situation, that is really only the known knowns and the known unknowns.

However, we know we know a few things.

Was jjohn upset to learn of B5 actor Richard Biggs’s passing? Probably. That’s the sort of thing he pays attention to.

Did jjohn just finish reading Pluto and Charon, a fascinating tale of the discovery and exploration of the most distant planet in the solar system? I guess. You tell me.

Is jjohn working on some kind of internet-only radio talk show? We just don’t know. If I knew, I’d tell you. But I don’t, so I can’t.

But, we do know the obvious. We know jjohn just bought a new pillow-top queen-sized bed to replace the mutt set of twin mattresses that our intel sources say he had for more than ten years. We know that he continues to find enough work. We believe he’s been listening to Al Franken on Air America.
There’s no question about that. It’s a slam dunk.

It is not a pretty picture. It’s a difficult situation. He’s using so-called asymmetrical techniques. I’m anxious to capture jjohn when we can find him. I’m anxious to see that countries who are harboring him stop doing that.

Well, I see that I’m getting the wrap-up signal, so let me close with some good news. It’s been 55-57 years since nuclear weapons have been fired in anger and that is an impressive accomplishment on the part of humanity I would say.

Let’s see the cockroaches beat that.

Any more questions?

[Original use.perl.org post and comments.]