“Weird Al” Yankovic is the most misunderstood music critic in America. I think it’s the “weird” in his name that throws people off. Maybe his addiction polka. Maybe it’s the crinkle-curl hair. Whatever the cause, it’s a shame because Al’s Angry White Boy Polka succinctly details exactly what’s ineffably awful about Nu-Metal.

As a genre, Nu-Metal was born in the dying embers of both Grunge rock and “Big Hair” rock (clearly a May-December relationship if there ever was one). A good Nu-Metal band is Helmet (although I’m not a fan, I can tell those guys can rock). The rot set in when Nu-Metal became a corporate commodity and stupid white boys thought that they could rap over wailing distorted guitars.
I’m not sure that’s how Affirmative Action is supposed to work.

From the mid-nineties on, the Suck knob on Nu-Metal continued to get cranked higher and higher until, well, even Weird Al noticed. In 2004’s Poodle Hat, Yankovic went back to his roots with “Angry White Boy Polka.” Unlike the polka tune on his first album which seemed to celebrate “classic rock,” I get the feeling Al is making a point of showing off the cyclopean banality of the lyrics that populate the most commercially successful examples of Nu-Metal. “Preachy” doesn’t really seem to cover for these whiny punks, but judge for yourself. After listening to a few of these tunes, I get the feeling that covering Pat Benatar’s “Love is a Battlefield” in this style would be a mega-hit.

I have created a table that lists the source material used in Weird Al’s parody. Old folks like me will certainly have avoided most of these excremental twits, but now, no matter your age, you can confidently say, “Staind?
Those Nu-Metal guys suck!”

Nu-Metal: a musical STD of nineties.

Band		Song		Album		Sample
PAPA ROACH		Last Resort		INFESTED		Sample
SYSTEM OF A DOWN		Chop Suey		TOXICITY		Sample
THE VINES		Get Free		HIGHLY EVOLVED		Sample
THE HIVES		Hate to say I told you so		VENI VIDI VICIOUS		Sample
WHITE STRIPES		Fell in Love with A Girl		WHITE BLOOD CELLS		Sample
THE STROKES		Last Night		IS THIS IT?		Sample
DISTURBED		Down with the sickness		THE SICKNESS		Sample
RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE		Renegades of Funk		RENEGADES		Sample
LIMP BIZKIT		My Way		CHOCOLATE STARFISH AND THE HOT DOG FLAVORED WATER		Sample
STAIND		Outside		BREAK THE CYCLE		Sample
KID ROCK		Bawitdaba		DEVIL WITHOUT A CAUSE		Sample
P.O.D		Youth of the Nation		SATELLITE		Sample
EMINEM		The Real Slim Shady		THE MARSHALL MATHERS LP		Sample