My spirit points are unstoppable

Posted:

You know what would make a great video game?
Forced prosyletization of non-Christians and rock stars.

Cashing in on the best selling and brain-melting Christian-fantasy porn called Left Behind (no, I’m not linking to that crap; find it yourself), some schmucks created a sort of real-time “first person saver” game in which you convert (or shoot) non-believers in an effort to feel good about your imaginary friend in the sky. It’s called “Left Behind: Eternal Forces,” which is appropriate since the forces of stupidity are as deathless as dread Cthulhu.

I fully enjoy the Tom Clancy angle to the game’s title. There’s nothing like replacing the adrenaline rush of Cold War M.A.D. with violet religious bigotry based on a unctuous interpretation of Revelations.

Sure, there are those weak, degenerate liberal Christians would have you believe that conversion to Jesus worship should be voluntary, but they’re just pussies.

It seems that there will always be those theists who pine for a homogenous religious culture. I don’t really understand this desire. When has a culture with a hegemonical religion been a really great place to live? We already have that situation in the U.S. and it’s called Salt Lake City. If that’s your idea of paradise, you can get really cheap tickets to it from Jet Blue. If you don’t like deserts, I invite you scenic South Boston where you don’t have to be Irish and Catholic to live there (you could also be Catholic and Irish too), but you’ll sure be hated a lot less if you are.

Real, fact-based agenda people know that allowing and embracing diversity leads to a more pleasant, healthy, creative and productive society. There’s just something darn helpful about someone calling you on your delusions that moves a culture forward. When everyone agrees with each other about too many things, you pretty much get the Taliban in Tragikstan.

Hey, I know! Why not make a game in which you shoot the zombies raised by Jesus after the Tribulation? Call it “Left Behind: Not on my Watch.” You could get Charlton Heston to do voice-over work for it. Make it an massively multiplayer online game to boot! That would kick ass!